I read somewhere that moms should have a goal of spending 60 minutes each day in dedicated one-on-one play. I’m talking down on the floor, in the sandbox, crayon in hand or in general fully engaging yourself in whatever little activity your child is focused on.
At first I dismissed the article. One hour? Of course I spend at least one hour playing with the girls (especially while on maternity leave). But then as the day wore on I began to realize how many distractions I encounter on an hourly (minute by minute?) basis and I began to question if I really do spend sixty minutes of uninterrupted kid time as I had suspected. Turns out I don’t necessarily do. Kid time right now means that we might go to the park or the library but my phone is in tow (and emails are being written or answered). Or I’m pushing the girls on the swing but also chatting up a neighbor. Or maybe at home I’m helping with an activity book but am also folding laundry and cooking. Dedicated and fully focused one-on-one time? Not broken up into chunks of five minutes? Challenging. Maybe even impossible.
I’ve shared before how much I struggle with pretend play and the truth is I’m so grateful Liv and Taylor have each other because they can play kitchen or house or babies for hours together.
But my observations resulted in some serious disappointment with myself. Part time attention for hours isn’t nearly as grand as one full hour of FULL time attention. So I’m putting myself to the test this week with the goal of logging some serious child’s play.
I’ve decided that might mean 30 minutes with each (like when T naps), maybe I’ll break it into three chunks of 20 minutes with both girls or it could be 60 minutes in one stretch. (I’m not forgetting Marley, but she and I make googly eyes at each other all day long). For my challenge (and only because I have the luxury of maternity leave), I’m not going to count walks or reading books or cooking together or any of our usual activities. This challenge really is focused on Liv and Taylor-directed play.
What do you think? Am I a very lame mom for even wondering if I spend sixty minutes dedicated to kid play or do you feel the same? Is the whole idea just crazy? Even though we all do the best we can with what we’re given, I like the idea of remembering to put down the iPhone and to pick up that sand shovel if so invited. How do you like to prioritize your momma time?
Love my girls…miss them so much..
Wow, that is (according to me!) way too much. I think it’s great that kids learn to play on their own / with their siblings. Parents are not necessarily meant to be playmates, but more like teachers of some kind? Like, I will happily read books to my toddler, and I will play down on the floor for a couple of minutes, but my life as an adult means I don’t really have time or interest to play, and I feel like that’s all right! I encourage her to play, and she also sees that running a house takes time, or that Mom and Dad like to read their own books in their spare time.
If you enjoy playing with your kids for that long, that’s great! But don’t force yourself to do it.
It always seemed to me that you have gone to extraordinary lengths to spend more time with your children than many of us working mothers can. 60 minutes of one-on-one play is definitely difficult. And I wouldn’t discount reading or any of those other activities you do together. The little moments do add up. There’s nothing wrong with trying to be better, but don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get to those 60 minutes. You’re doing a great job.
Yet another “thing” we must do :)
Google Janet Lansbury “wants nothing time.” She’s got a great blog and a book and I love her. As a working mom too I miss my little girl desperately during the day and our evenings are hectic too- but “wants nothing time” has made a huge difference in our lives.
I think it’s less important to focus on an amount of time and more important to focus on engaging with your child. Putting down the phone, closing the computer, even scheduling less play dates where you talk with parents and engaging with your child. That’s the point…even ten minutes of that they will look back on more kindly than seeing us buried in our phones. I think it’s a great challenge.
As a hard and fast rule, 60 minutes a day does sound discouraging. I’m just desperately trying to get the kitchen clean before bed, spend some time talking with my husband, and crossing my fingers everyone has something to wear the next day. Although, I am encouraged by the idea of spending some intentional time focusing in on my kids each day. I read somewhere else to try for 10 min/per kid/2x a day and I was surprised to find it a.challenge. I’d like to think reading, eating, chores together, etc. should count if we take the time to put away our phones and focus in. Thanks for highlighting this! Relationship building can be so hard when we get caught up in the daily tasks that need to be done (and have too much access to our cellphones : )
You know, I think absolutes from some sort of authority figure are really unfair to parents. Do we really need another “tsk, tsk, you’re doing it wrong” article? Being a parent is hard enough! (That’s not aimed at you, Morgan. Just aimed at all the people publishing this stuff and trying to tell us we’re doing it wrong, constantly.)
I think any time you can give your kids – real uninterrupted time – is better than none at all. If that’s thirty minutes a day, great. If it’s ten minutes a day, great. If you’re a single mom and can only do one minute a week, you know what? That’s amazing. Pat yourself on the back no matter what you can manage.
And my kid personally doesn’t really want to play with me yet, he just wants to come check in with me every now and then or have me read a few books over and over and over, so I’d count reading to him for me right now : ) .
I think moms have enough pressure on them without this kind of goal. I feed my children, shelter them, bathe them, play with them, read to them and I do the best I can. I thinks striving for an hour of floor play a day is unrealistic for many parents. I think a better goal is for me is to put the phone aside whenever I can and be present for whatever I am doing with my children.
60 minutes is so hard to carve out of a mom’s schedule – working mom or not! I feel like I probably get 30 minutes a day most days. From a child’s perspective though, they probably feel so fulfilled and loved when they get mom playing with them for an hour straight! I know my kids get so excited when they notice that I am sitting with them and playing and I’m completely engaged with whatever activity they are doing.
SIXTY MINUTES? Straight? A DAY!? Wow! I’ll be honest Morgan, I keep re-reading your working mom posts, because they really help me feel like this working mom gig is possible. You always seem to me to have it all figured out, and that you’re doing a great job of it. But this one give me total anxiety. My girls come to work with me, so we eat lunch together (30 minutes). Many nights a week though, we don’t get home until 5 pm. Between dinner being made and eaten, baths, pajamas, and bedtime routines, we definitely don’t get an hour of uninterrupted floor play. We’ve only got 2.5 hours TOTAL to get all that done. Ugh. I feel terrible! I guess we’ll just have to make up for it on the weekends!